


couldn't cry for the life of me

by hawkeyesbutt



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: BokuOi, Captains, Choking, Drunkness, Face Sitting, JUST GIVE ME BOKUOI FOR DAYS, LMAO, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Sex Jokes, Smut, Swearing, a lot of sex jokes....., a lot of talk about sex, alcohol mention, crude language, drunk conversations, drunk daishou, drunk every1, drunk oiks, im sorry, its not rly mentioned but theyre like....... at college, kuroshou, kurosugu, lots of alcohol mentioning, lots of talk of sexual shit, scary movie marathon (they watched one fucking movie), slutty daishou, this fic slowly turned into a captains bokuoi fic im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:06:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7072360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkeyesbutt/pseuds/hawkeyesbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>for the prompt 'things you said when you were drunk'. </p><p>it's always kuroo who comes to pick him up, no matter the time or place. he always comes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. don't go, gotta know, please don't run away

**Author's Note:**

> i always end up using childish gambino lyrics for kuroshou fic titles, who knows why???? i know why. its bc i love childish gambino.
> 
> i also love THESE LOSERS

_Things you said when you were drunk._

 

 

“Hello?"

_“Kurooooo, iz me. Your arch nemesis."_

“I don’t remember giving Nicolas Cage my number."

_“Fuck you, Nicolas Cage is an amazin' actor. He’s better than you’ll ever be!"_

“Alright Kanye, calm down. Are you drunk right now?”

_“Why else would I fuckin’ call you? Hah."_

“Rude.” Kuroo hears some scuffling on the other line, the sound of music fading into the background. He hears Daishou fall against something with an ‘oof’. “You okay?” At the sound of retching, Kuroo sighs. “Not okay then. Where you at? Oikawa’s party?"

_“Yeah, yeah - oh fuck -“_ He retches once more, and Kuroo winces. He grabs a kitchen sink bowl and gets into his car, driving over to Oikawa’s house. There was no way he was letting Daishou throw up in his car again. He stays on the phone with Daishou, putting him on loud speaker on the dashboard, listening to him throw up over and over until Kuroo eventually arrives. Just in time as well, as Daishou is starting to whimper into the phone. 

“I’m here, where are you?"

_“Grass,”_ is all Daishou says, and Kuroo steps from his car to search the garden in front of the house. He notices a body beginning to lower it’s head onto the ground and sprints over to him before he can lay down in his own sick. 

“Ugh, you nasty,” is how Kuroo greets him, before pulling him to his feet. Daishou stares up at him in confusion before looking back at the phone.

“How did you get here?” He asks in wonder, still staring at the phone. “You were in here a moment ago…"

“I drove, dumbass,” Kuroo says, rolling his eyes. “Come on, get in the car. Don’t you dare throw up on my car seat again. I will actually murder you this time."

“Psh,” Daishou says, as Kuroo helps him into the car. “As if you ever could. You love me."

Kuroo stays silent, getting into his side of the car and putting Daishou’s seatbelt on before thrusting the bowl in front of him. “Bowl. For throwing up in. _No where else,_ you hear me?"

“Aye aye captain,” Daishou says in a sultry tone, leaning towards Kuroo with a leering smile. Kuroo stares at the ceiling of his car and begs god for death. “Hey Kuroo, why have we never -"

“Hold on tight,” Kuroo says loudly, putting the car in reverse and quickly swerving out of there. Daishou bashes his head against the window and moans in pain, but Kuroo ignores him. 

The ride isn’t a quiet one, as much as Kuroo prays for it to be. He’s had to deal with drunk Daishou a hundred times already; way more than anyone else has. Way more than his supposed ‘friends’ have. Definitely way more than any boyfriend he’s ever had. He’s used to it by now of course, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t dread the words that come out of Daishou’s mouth. 

Daishou huffs in his seat, crossing his arms over the bowl and sulking. “I sucked someone off tonight you know,” he says, casually. 

Kuroo winces, continuing to stare at the road ahead. “Oh yeah? You remember who it was?"

Daishou ums and ahhs for a moment, throwing out suggestions he thinks will cause the right reaction. “I think he was blonde, with glasses maybe? Don’t you know a guy like that? What was his name...” Daishou says, tapping his finger to his lips. “Or maybe it was that guy, you know, with the blonde undercut and the tongue piercing? Yeah, that one! Wouldn’t you like to know what else he has pierced-"

Kuroo pointedly switches the radio on, and says nothing more. Daishou tsks loudly, going back to staring out the window and sulking. Kuroo thinks that maybe, just maybe they can get home without any further comment from Daishou, but sadly, this is Daishou we’re talking about. 

“Fuck,” he whines, “Kuroo, pull over, I gotta - I gotta puke -"

Kuroo slams on the breaks almost comically fast, thankful for the empty road at this time of night. “Fuck, get out, get out!” 

Daishou stays where he’s sat, no signs of vomiting in sight. Kuroo stares at him like he’s crazy, before Daishou quickly invades his personal space. “You didn’t answer my question,” Daishou asks, incredibly close, and Kuroo cringes away from the smell of vomit on his breath. Daishou’s hands are on his thighs before he can push him off, Daishou wedging himself across the seats.

“Daishou,” Kuroo warns lowly, but Daishou doesn’t seem to notice.

“Why have we never slept together?” He asks, because he can’t help but ask. “I’m a catch."

“The only thing you catch is STDs,” Kuroo scowls, before frowning. “Which reminds me, when did you last get tested? I wouldn’t put it past someone like Terushima to have crabs or something-"

“Oh shut up! It doesn’t matter right now,” Daishou purrs, or at least attempts to in his drunken state. 

“Will you fucking sit down already? I’m tired and I want to go home,” Kuroo growls, but Daishou presses forward.

“Alright, I’ll sit down.” He finally makes his way onto Kuroo’s lap, beeping the horn by accident a few times. 

“Suguru, I swear to God, if you don’t-"

“What are you gonna do?” Daishou whispers by his ear. “Punish me?"

Kuroo ignores the way his voice sends a shudder down his spine and tries to concentrate. “I’m gonna call your mom in three seconds if you don’t get off me."

“You wouldn’t,” Daishou hisses. Kuroo slips his phone from his pocket, unlocking it. Daishou is already panicking, trying to pry the phone from Kuroo’s fingers. “No, Kuroo don’t! Stop it!” Kuroo’s almost on his mother’s contact page, but Daishou manages to squeeze it from his fingers and throw it into the back seat. 

“For fucks sake,” Kuroo sighs, “Daishou, get off of me already."

“Not until you answer my question!” Daishou asks, no longer trying his sexy act. He’s irritated now, clearly frustrated by the lack of answer to his important question, amongst other reasons. 

“You want to know?” Kuroo asks. Daishou nods. “Get back in your seat and I’ll tell you.” Daishou hesitates, but eventually gives in, slipping out of Kuroo’s lap back into his seat. “Seatbelt,” Kuroo says, and Daishou complies. Then, Kuroo turns the ignition key and starts driving again.

“Hey!"

“I don’t make the rules, Sugu."

“That’s not fair! You promised!” Daishou yells, before his face turns a violent shade of green.

“I promised nothing,” Kuroo says.

“Fuck,” Daishou mutters, “I gotta throw up-” 

“I’m not falling for that again."

“For real this time!"

“Use the bowl, then."

Daishou dives for the bowl, shoving his face into it instantly as he empties the rest of his stomach into it. 

“Fuck!” Kuroo yells, surprised by the sudden vomit fest happening beside him. He focuses on driving, only throwing Daishou the occasional worried glance. “You thrown it all up yet?” At the sound of another retch, he curses under his breath. “There’s a bottle of water in drink holder on your side when you’re ready."

Eventually Daishou stops throwing up and starts drinking water, before sagging down in his seat. When Kuroo thinks he might have actually fallen asleep, Daishou starts to speak again. “Why do all my friends hate me,” he mutters quietly.

“What makes you think that?"

“Whenever I call… They never pick up. They never come get me, it’s always you,” he tells him.

Kuroo sighs. “They don’t hate you, they just know I’ll come pick you up."

“Why?"

“I do it often."

“No - why do you come pick me up?"

Kuroo shrugs. “So you don’t die?"

Daishou huffs. “You think I want you to pick me up all the time? I’m not a child, I can look after myself."

“Obviously you can’t if you throw up this much."

“Fuck off Tetsurou, I didn’t ask you to pick me up!"

“Actually you did. You called me, remember?"

“I did?” Daishou asks, confused. He holds his head in hands. “Fuck. I… I don’t even remember."

“Do you remember harassing me in the car a couple minutes ago?” Kuroo asks.

Daishou doesn’t look at him. “Nope."

“Liar."

“Am not."

"Are too."

“Am not.” Daishou clears his throat slightly, and Kuroo looks over at him. “You still didn’t answer my question,” he repeats quietly.

“Are you serious?” Kuroo asks, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“Shut up!” Daishou says, blushing. Kuroo can definitely see the effect the water is having on him if he’s blushing; he must be sobering up. “I just - I’ve always wondered, uh. We’re both gay, we’re both the same age, we’ve known each other for years -"

“Does that mean we should have sex? Are those the requirements?” Kuroo asks.

“What? No! I just - I always kinda…” Daishou shuffles in his seat slightly.

“Kinda what?"

“Nothin’."

“Tell me."

“It doesn’t matter."

“Tell me."

“I always kinda assumed it would happen eventually, okay?” Daishou says, huffing. “Go on, laugh at me."

“Why?” 

“Why what?"

“Why did you assume that?"

“I dunno! I just figured-"

“Do you want to?"

“No! I mean y- I mean, I - I just - organically, I just - it’s like - it would have -“ 

“You don’t seem very sure of yourself, Suguru."

“Fuck you!"

“Isn’t that what we’re trying to decide?"

Daishou yells in frustration, before shifting to face fully away from Kuroo. “Forget it. Forget I said anything about it."

Kuroo sighs. “Here we go."

“What?” Daishou says, turning back again. “What’s that supposed to mean?"

“Nothing.” Kuroo says.

“Tell me,” Daishou hisses. 

“Nope."

“Tell me.” 

“Nothin’ to tell, Sugu."

“For fucks sake, just tell me!"

Kuroo sighs again, running a hand through his hair. “Look, it’s just that - that isn’t the first time you’ve asked me this okay? And you never remember my answer because you’re always so fucking drunk you black out or something. So when we get to this point, on the occasion you manage to sober up instead of pass out - you decide to ignore it and act like it never happened and don’t speak of it until the next time you’re drunk, which doesn’t take long."

“Tell me the answer now then,” Daishou asks.

“No."

“Tell me, it’s not fair that you won’t tell me now when you’ve already told me before."

Kuroo pulls into Daishou’s drive, effectively switching off the car. He looks over at Daishou expectantly. “You’re home. Ta-daaa."

“Tetsurou,” Daishou says in a stern tone. “Tell me.” 

Kuroo glares at him. “You know what? I strike you a deal. You come to me tomorrow when you’re sober and you ask me. Then I’ll tell you. Deal?” He holds out his hand and Daishou stares at it. Finally, he shakes his hand, before opening the car door and heading into his house, leaving Kuroo with a bowl of sick and smelly car.

 

The next day, Kuroo waits. He checks his phone almost constantly for some kind of message, looks on facebook, waits for any kind of signal that Daishou is A. alive and B. intending on fulfilling the deal. Kuroo feels knots form in his stomach from anxiety at the thought of telling him, but he powers on, saying that he needs to do this. He needs to.

The day comes and goes, but Daishou doesn’t contact him. 


	2. 3 a.m. stare at the ceiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess whos drunk again: not me, but these characters. the only knowledge i have is of alcohol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sO HERES THE THING
> 
> i was only gonna write 2 parts and then i got carried away and then i start edwriting bokuoi into this fic and no W IM STUCK WITH IT ???????????? i suddenly became the no. 1 bokuoi fan 
> 
> I ALSO REALISED THERE ARE LIKE HARDLY ANY BOKUOI FICS ON AO3 AND IM MAD. imma change that.

“This is getting pathetic,” Kenma sighs from his place squished at the top of the bed. Squished because of the large lump of human currently taking up the other 90% of the bed. “Just text him already." 

“You don’t understand,” Kuroo sighs. 

“Then don’t text him."

“Shut up!” 

“Fine."

“Kenmaaaa,” Kuroo wails, reaching from his friends leg to grab onto dramatically. Kenma scoots as far away as he possibly can, despite the limited space left to escape to. 

“I don’t even understand why you bother really,” Kenma grumbles. “Daishou is a pain in the ass. He always has been."

“I know,” Kuroo replies quietly.

“He used to find garden snakes and put them in my wellies.” 

“I know."

“He put insects in jelly and made us eat them."

“We were kids!” 

“Kuroo, that was last year."

Kuroo groans, throwing his head back into the pile of pillows he has collected. “I know he’s a dick,” he mutters. “But I can’t just leave him to get home by himself when he’s so pissed he can barely walk. What kind of person would I be if I abandoned someone like that?” 

“It’s his fault for getting so drunk all the time,” Kenma mutters. “He could just drink less."

“Well yeah - but when you’ve drunk enough you don’t realise how little it takes to cross the line. It’s difficult to know when you’re drunk,” Kuroo explains. Kenma scoffs, going back to his game. Kuroo sighs. “Remember Bokuto’s party last year?"

“No, because I didn’t go."

“You remember the event happening though, right?"

“Yes."

“I got insanely pissed that night,” Kuroo says, looking downtrodden. “And ended up throwing up all over Bokuto’s living room. Bokuto didn’t even care, he just carried me to the bathroom and sat with me while I threw up. Akaashi eventually took me home and Bokuto came and checked on me the next day. If it weren’t for those two I would have been all alone; it was scary enough as it was when it was happening.” Kenma stares at him, unsure of where this was heading. “I don’t want Daishou to have to go through it all alone. No one should."

“That doesn’t mean it has to be _you_ every time though."

“True; but his friends all know that I’ll go if none of them do, so they never bother.” 

“His friends sound pretty awful."

“I think they’re just tired of Daishou’s drinking habits. He has been pretty excessive lately,” Kuroo says, concerned. 

“Doesn’t help that Oikawa seems to be throwing parties left right and center lately,” Kenma mutters. 

“I think he keeps throwing them because Daishou persuades him to. They’re both as bad as each other,” Kuroo grumbles. Kuroo hears his phone going off and slips his hand into his pocket, bringing it up to his face. “Speak of the devil,” Kuroo says, accepting the call.

_“Were you talking about me? Good things I hope."_

“Nope. What’s up?"

_“What were you saying?! I can’t believe my dear friend and teammate would bitch about me behind my back!"_

“You should stop throwing parties, since _someone_ keeps getting too drunk and I have to drive them home."

_“Oh, you mean Sugu-chan? I know, he’s a bit of a mess, am I right? He’s the one who keeps asking me to throw parties, you can’t blame me!"_

“You’re the one who throws them."

_“Well yeah, they’re fun!"_

“For you, maybe."

_“Psh, whatever. I WAS going to invite you, Boku-chan and a few others over for a scary movie night, but you’re now uninvited."_

“Good. I didn’t want to go anyway."

_“Kuroo-chaaaan, don’t do this to me. You owe me."_

“How the fuck do I owe you? I literally just explained why you owe _me.”_

_“You promised we would hang out soon.”_

“When did I promise that?” 

_“Last time we had practice! Since you never come to any of my amazing parties anymore, you said we would hang out soon."_

“The reason I don’t come is so that I don’t have to worry about not being sober enough to drive people home."

_“By people you mean Sugu-chan."_

“Exactly."

_“Bo-chan is coming tonight. Come for him. Pleaseeeee-"_

“Fine, I’ll come. Who else are you inviting?"

_“I dunno, maybe Sawamura-chan, maybe Yaku-"_

“No Ushiwaka on that list, then?"

_“Hell no. Don’t you even start."_

Kuroo chuckles. “Yeah yeah, we all know you have a massive hate crush on him or whatever. Anyway, I’ll see you later."

_“I do_ not _have any sort of crush on him - if anyone has a hate crush, it’s yo-"_

Kuroo hangs up the phone, tossing it down onto the covers. He puts his head back in his pillow pile and continues his sighing. Kenma rolls his eyes.

 

++++

 

Kuroo knocks on the door of Oikawa’s flat, already hearing the sound of Bokuto’s boisterous laughter from within. Oikawa opens it with a large smirk on his face, which irks Kuroo to no end. _He must be up to something to have a look like that on his face,_ Kuroo thinks to himself.

“Kuroo-chan! So glad you could _finally_ join us.” Oikawa exaggerates. Kuroo was only a few minutes late, but that meant hours to Oikawa, and therefore, was endlessly mocked for his 'inability to arrive on time’. 

“Yeah, yeah. So which alien movie are we watching first?” Kuroo asks as he steps inside.

“You mock me. We’re watching horror movies, not sci-fi,” Oikawa grumbles.

“You do realise those two genres cross over quite a bit. It all started back in-"

“Shut up, nerd. Come sit with us, we’re gonna play some drinking games while we watch if that’s okay with you,” Oikawa asks. Regardless of his own drinking habits, Oikawa always wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page at small gatherings like this. He knew it was no fun to have someone sitting out and babying everyone else.

“Yeah, I’ll drink. You know that Bokuto’s gonna drink you under the table though, right?” Kuroo smirks. “Boy’s got a liver of steel."

“Of course he’ll drink _me_ under the table, but will he be able to drink Sawamura-chan?” 

“Daichi’s here? Shit’s gonna hit the fan,” Kuroo says with a low whistle. “Who else did you manage to ensnare into your shenanigans?” 

Oikawa doesn’t reply as they head into the living room, three heads turning in their direction. Bokuto grins at him, Daichi gives a him a wary look and Daishou - what is Daishou doing here?

“Kuroo!” Bokuto cheers.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Kuroo says flatly, making eye contact with Daishou.

“I didn’t know _you_ were coming,” Daishou sniffs snootily. He’s on the sofa beside Bokuto, with Daichi sat in one of the chairs on either end. Kuroo rolls his eyes, making his way over to the other empty chair, but suddenly finds it taken by a large mass of Oikawa.

“I was gonna sit there,” Kuroo scowls.

“Tough luck, Kuroo-chan, this is my seat."

“You were sat by me a second ago!” Bokuto yells.

“That doesn’t change that this is my seat!” Oikawa yells back. “You can come sit in it with me if you really want to sit next to me that bad.” 

“Fine, I will.” Bokuto says, jumping up and onto Oikawa’s lap in the space of a second.

“Gah!” Oikawa splutters as the weight crushes him. “You fat lump! Why are you so heavy?"

“It’s all this muscle baby,” Bokuto says, flexing from his seat on top of Oikawa. Despite his crushed status, Oikawa does raise an arm to squeeze Bokuto’s bicep and sighs in satisfaction. 

“When you two are done,” Kuroo says casually, finally giving in and taking a seat on the spacious sofa next to Daishou. 

He hears Oikawa whispering something to Bokuto, who whispers back loudly, “Oh shit! I forgot about that,” before jumping off of Oikawa. “Move up Kuroo, ya boy is coming through,” Bokuto says as he shoves the other man aside to sit down.

Kuroo shifts over, accidentally coming into contact with Daishou; they both jump a little, before Daishou shifts over himself to make room between them. “Oikawa’s right, you are a fat lump,” Kuroo says. 

“Babe!” Bokuto cries dramatically. “I have like 10% body fat. How dare you!” 

“What do you call all this,” Kuroo says, grabbing at Bokuto’s stomach.

“It’s a six-pack, leave me alone!” 

“It used to be a six-pack, now it’s just a mushy mess."

“You’re lowering my self esteem!"

“Maybe if you didn’t drink so much beer-"

“He has a point, Bo-chan.” Oikawa says. “You drink too much beer, and not enough spirits.” Oikawa leans down by the side of the seat and returns with three bottles of different flavoured vodka. “It’s time for drinking games!"

“Are we just drinking straight vodka?” Daichi asks in concern.

“Well it’s _flavoured,_ Sawamura-chan. So you know, not as bad as normal straight vodka."

“What percentage is it?"

“Bokuto, will you grab me the shot glasses from the kitchen please?"

“Sure thing!"

“Oikawa, don’t avoid the question-"

“God, fine! We can use mixers if you’re too much of a baby, Sawamura-chan."

“I’m not a baby. You’ll just get very drunk very quick if we drink it straight."

“Not me!” Bokuto chimes in as he returns with shot glasses in hand. 

“Don’t we need drinks to sip if we’re playing drinking games while watching movies? We can’t sip vodka shots,” Daishou says, after having been quiet for so long.

Oikawa sighs. “I suppose so. Bokuto, go grab me some glasses and the red bull and orange juice!"

“On it!” Bokuto says, bouncing up again.

“You’ve trained him well,” Kuroo says, smiling after Bokuto.

“He’s an obedient pup,” Oikawa replies. 

“Gross, don’t bring your kinks in here."

“Fuck you, I’m not even sleeping with him!"

“Yet."

“Kuroo-chan, I’m this close to plotting your death. Or something worse,” his eyes flicker towards Daishou, who’s currently messing around on his phone. 

Kuroo doesn’t get the chance to respond as Bokuto comes bounding back in with all the mixers you could imagine - throwing them unceremoniously onto the coffee table. Daishou, who’s been basically ignoring the current conversation so far, is first to grab a glass, quickly loosening the bottle of cinnamon vodka. “Maybe someone else should pour your drink,” Kuroo says, taking the bottle from him.

“And why’s that?” Daishou hisses back.

“Because you always put way too much vodka in and then chug it so you don’t have to taste it and end up way drunker than everyone else."

“I know how to pour a drink, Kuroo,” Daishou says, attempting to take the bottle back.

“Lover’s spat so early on?” Oikawa comments, pouring himself a drink.

Daishou and Kuroo turn still at his words, before Kuroo gives the bottle back. “Fine, do what you want. It has no effect on me."

Daishou stares at him for a moment, but Kuroo’s already busying himself with pouring his own drink. Bokuto resumes his place on his side, eagerly pulling open a bag of doritos to snack on. Oikawa opens up Netflix, looking through the horror genre. 

“Any requests?"

“ _Teeth_ ,” Kuroo immediately says.

Daishou scrunches up his nose. “No fucking way am I watching that shitty movie with you again,” he huffs.

“Again?” Oikawa asks, intrigued.

“We watched it like 4 years ago, it was shit."

“How dare you, it’s the empowering story of a girl defending herself from rapists with her teeth-ridden vagina. What’s not to love?"

“Uh, maybe the gross incesty bit at the start? Or the whole movie?"

“Fine. _Carrie_ then."

“Original or remake?"

“Remake has Chloë Grace Moretz, so which do you think?"

“Original."

“How dare you insult her, she’s perfection -"

Oikawa clears his throat, staring at the two pointedly. The two in question had ended up with their faces closer than they realised, staring into each other’s eyes as they argued over films they already had memories of watching together. Kuroo still remembers the first time he watched a horror film with Daishou; they were both young and terrified, squeezing each other tightly and hiding under blankets. They’d slept in the same bed that night, despite both saying that they weren’t scared at all. Daishou had held onto Kuroo’s t-shirt tightly while he slept. Kuroo looks away from Daishou, feeling warm from embarrassment. “Uh. You can choose, Oikawa."

“Thank you. That was the answer I was looking for from the start,” he mutters. He eventually selects _The Purge_  and grabs his drink ready. “Everyone got a drink? Sawamura-chan?"

“Why do you insist on flavoured vodkas?” He grumbles, glaring at his drink. “They don’t go well with mixers, you know. What are you meant to mix apple vodka with?"

“Lemonade?” Oikawa offers. “Shut up and drink your flavoured vodka. If you wanted something else, you should have brought it with you."

“I didn’t know we would be drinking,” Daichi frowns.

“Sawamura-chan, this is me we’re talking about,” Oikawa offers as way of explanation. It works, since Daichi nods his head gravely, resigning himself to his drink.

They settle on a few rules; sip for every jump scare, a shot for every death, and chug if they get scared. It starts off relatively easy; Kuroo’s never been too bad with horror films, it’s always Daishou and Oikawa who end up freaking out. Bokuto loves being scared, and Daichi seems unaffected by it all. When the first major jump scare happens, Daishou grabs his sleeve by instinct. Kuroo looks down at him, surprised. When Daishou notices his staring, he meets his eyes and scowls at him. Kuroo looks down at Daishou’s hand and Daishou’s eyes follow, widening. He rips his hand away, folding his arms, and pointedly looks away from Kuroo. Kuroo would mention to the other that that counted as a chug moment, but since he’s trying to not let Daishou get drunk off his face, he doesn;t.

Oikawa makes a noise at the next jumpscare, shoving his face into his sleeves. 

“That’s a chug for Oikawa,” Sawamura says, grinning when Oikawa glares his way.

“We’re meant to be doing shots anyway!” He huffs, pouring everyone a shot. Everyone dutifully takes their shot, before cheering Oikawa on to chug his drink. 

“Guh,” Oikawa says when he finishes, pouring himself a second drink. “It’s not fair you three get to be all huddled up together. We can’t see if you’re scared or not!"

“You just want to cuddle, don’t you,” Kuroo coos.

“So what if I do?!” Oikawa yells, “It’s my home!” 

“You can come sit on me Tooru,” Bokuto offers. “I’ll cuddle you."

Oikawa blushes slightly, but Kuroo can’t be sure if its because of the alcohol or not. He gets up from his seat, lowering himself onto Bokuto’s lap, who wraps an arm around him tightly. Kuroo, feeling a bit like a third wheel, attempts to move away from them, forgetting on his other side was Daishou. 

“Does this mean I can sit in the chair now?” Kuroo says, going to get up.

“NO!” Oikawa and Bokuto both yell, stopping Kuroo in his tracks.

“Best bros sit together,” Bokuto whines.

“It’s my chair, you can’t sit in it,” Oikawa states.

“Can’t believe I’m fifth-wheeling this mess,” Daichi mutters.

“Sorry Daichi, maybe we should have invited Ushiwaka for you to snuggle up to,” Kuroo grins slyly.

“W-what?” Daichi says, face turning pale.

“Oh? What’s this?” Oikawa asks in intrigue.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Daichi says, looking around nervously.

“ _You_ like Ushiwaka?” Daishou asks, gobsmacked. “What is this world coming to."

“I just admire his volleyball skills, okay?"

“And his muscles,” Kuroo says.

“And his face,” Oikawa adds.

“And his thighs,” Daishou continues.

“And his dick!” Bokuto finishes. The other four stare at him. “What? I have it on good authority that Ushiwaka is fucking _hung._ "

“Where’d you get that tidbit of info from?” Kuroo asks in surprise.

“Myself!” He says triumphantly. The others stare at him again. 

“Boku-chan,” Oikawa says, voice quiet. “You and Ushiwaka…"

“Huh?” Bokuto asks, confused. “Oh! Not like that. I just saw him in the bathroom one time."

“Ohhh,” the rest of them say in understanding.

“Well then, I can see why Daichi likes him,” Kuroo says. 

“I do not _like_ him,” Daichi says, face turning red. 

“Whatever you say,” Oikawa sniggers. 

By the time they finish the movie, they’re all pretty intoxicated; Oikawa switches off the television, instead saying they should play other drinking games.

“Such as?” Daichi asks.

“Never have I ever,” he answers, ignoring the groans from his friends. “I’ll start.” He clears his throat. “Never have I ever… Thrown up from drinking.” 

“Yes you have,” Kuroo says.

“Yeah, so I’m gonna drink!” Oikawa says, before taking a few gulps of his glass. “It doesn’t have to be stuff you’ve _actually_ never done. It’s just about getting people drunk."

Kuroo shrugs in response, before drinking. Daishou drinks beside him, while Bokuto and Daichi grin triumphantly.

“My turn!” Bokuto says, lifting his drink. “Never have I ever thought about having sex with someone in this room.” He drinks instantly, pulling the drink from his lips with a satisfied ‘ahh’ before watching Oikawa shyly drink his own drink on top of him. Kuroo notices Daishou drink out of the corner of his eye, and Kuroo sighs, finally giving in and drinking. Daishou’s eyes meet his as he drinks, but he doesn’t break the eye contact. Daichi is the only who doesn’t drink, looking incredibly fed up with the children he’s been made to watch over.

“Who have you thought about having sex with Oikawa?” Bokuto asks, excitedly. Oikawa, not expecting the question, turns even redder.

“T-that’s not part of the game!” He splutters. “Who have you thought of, Bo-chan?"

“Everyone, obviously!” Boktuo says, unfiltered. “Kuroo’s my main man, so why wouldn’t I have thought of fucking him? I know he’d be a good lay.” Kuroo high-fives him. “Daishou seems like he’d be a kinky son of a bitch, but Daichi would be pretty vanilla.” He ignores Daichi’s indignant yell in protest, turning back to Oikawa. “And you, obviously. I reckon you’re really good at dirty talk."

Oikawa looks incredibly flustered from his position on top of Bokuto and fidgets under his gaze. “U-uh, Sawamura-chan! Isn’t it your go?"

“Never have I ever 5th-wheeled the most awkward event of my life,” he says flatly, before chugging his entire drink. The other four look at him, unsure. “Daishou’s turn,” he finishes.

“Uh,” Daishou starts, looking around at them all. “Never have I ever… gotten with someone at a party,” he mutters, before drinking. Bokuto and Oikawa drink alongside him. 

“Never have I ever kissed Bokuto,” Kuroo says, before drinking. Surprisingly, Oikawa and Daichi both drink as well. 

“I remember Kuroo, but when did I kiss you guys?” Bokuto says, looking between Oikawa and Daichi. 

“You’re way too friendly when you’re drunk,” Daichi replies.

“I was friendly back,” Oikawa mutters in Bokuto’s arm. The two stare at each other for what seems like forever, until Kuroo clears his throat. 

“It’s your turn Oikawa,” he says, hoping to get this game back on track and stop watching two of his best friends on the verge of making out. 

“Never have I ever ridden someone,” Oikawa says, still staring at Bokuto. He raises his drink to his mouth, before slowly chugging it. Bokuto watches and swallows. 

“Uh… Never have I ever fucked someone on a sofa,” Bokuto says, eyes dropping to Oikawa’s lips as he drinks. Oikawa drinks too, eyes trained on Bokuto’s mouth. 

“For gods sake,” Daichi mutters. “Never have I ever wanted to leave so much.” He chugs his entire drink and stands up. “That’s my cue to leave.” 

“Daichi, you can’t leave me with them,” Kuroo moans.

“I’m not,” Daichi says. “I’m leaving you in the capable hands of - oh, maybe not capable. Daishou looks pretty gone.” He disappears before Kuroo can stop him.

“‘M not gone,” Daishou mumbles, “I’m doin’ cartwheels right now.” 

“No you aren’t,” Kuroo frowns. 

“Oh."

“Maybe I should take you home,” Kuroo hums in concern. “Guys, I’m gonna - oh for fucks sake,” Kuroo says, looking back at his other two friends to find them already sucking face and grinding against each other. “At least wait until we’ve left!” 

“Now is your cue to leave, Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa breathes when Bokuto begins to kiss down his neck. “Quickly. Unless you want to see unsavoury - ah - things."

“I get it already,” Kuroo sighs, tugging Daishou to his wobbly feet. “Come on, little one."

“I’m not that small!” Daishou complains.

“Quickly now, before I see my best friends dicks.” One glance back at the pair confirmed their semi-nakedness already. “I guess I should have seen this coming,” he sighs. “As usual, Bokuto and Oikawa are having fun and I’m dragging your drunk ass home."

“‘M not drunk! Fuck you Kuroo, I can get home myself!” He pulls away from Kuroo, running out of the flat before Kuroo can grab him. He’s about to run after him, before he has a thought.

Reaching into his wallet, he pulls out a condom, throwing it in Bokuto and Oikawa’s direction. “Use protection!” He yells as an afterthought, finally closing the door to leave them to it. 


	3. man is a star bound to a body inside of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> daishous a moron feat. ur fav bestie oikawa x

 “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me Kuroo was coming,” Daishou whines over his milkshake. Oikawa frowns at him, leaning back in his chair.

“You wouldn’t have come otherwise,” Oikawa says. “And you two need to sort yourselves out already, this is getting dumb."

“Says you,” Daishou says through grit teeth, “How are you and Bokuto coming along, eh?"

“Well, since you’re so keen to know,” Oikawa starts, “We _did_ have some incredible drunk sex. So you know, last night didn’t end in complete and utter shambles."

“And?"

“And what?” Oikawa says, avoiding his gaze. “It’s just sex, Sugu-chan. Boku-chan doesn’t seem like the type of guy who likes to be tied down."

“What makes you think that?” Daishou asks, frowning. “Did you cuddle?"

Oikawa’s face heats up. “Well yes,” he states.

“Did he stay for breakfast?” 

“Yes…"

“Most of your lays don’t even do that,” Daishou says, stirring some more sugar into his drink. 

“That doesn’t mean he wants anything more,” Oikawa huffs. 

“You two have been trying to fuck each other for weeks."

“Yeah, _fuck_  each other. Not date."

“Whatever."

“Speaking of fucking - how’s Kuroo?"

“Fuck you,” Daishou spits. “You know how that’s going."

“I don’t know what happened last night, so fill me in."

“You were too busy riding Bokuto to give a shit,” Daishou mutters. “Well, I left, Kuroo came after me, we yelled at each other, Kuroo got pissed and I went home. So you know, not much change."

“You made Kuroo-chan mad? Holy shit, what did you do?” Oikawa sips his coffee and shakes his head. “Kuroo-chan is the master of patience; you must have really fucked up to get _him_ mad."

“He started going on about how I didn’t call him the other day and I told him I had a life outside of him and he got mad.” 

“Call him about what?” Oikawa asks, leaning forward inquisitively. 

Daishou looks out the window, biting his lip piercing. Oikawa waits. “It’s nothing,” Daishou eventually mumbles.

“Really? You’re gonna play that card, Sugu-chan?” Oikawa sighs, leaning back again. “Honestly, you’re a mess. How can I help you if you won’t be honest with me?"

Daishou rubs his neck nervously. “Last time he came and picked me up… I uh, I… Fuck,” He says, putting his head in his hands. 

“You tried to fuck him again, didn’t you,” Oikawa says, not even a question.

Daishou nods miserably. “I asked why we’d never - you know - and he made a deal with me that he’d tell me the truth if I called him the next day when I was sober,” he pulsl his head from his hands, moving back to drink his milkshake.

“So why didn’t you call him? You could have sorted this out already."

“Are you kidding me?” Daishou replies, looking outraged. “I’d be asking him, ‘hey Kuroo, why don’t you want to sleep with me?’ and he’d go, ‘well, here’s a list of reasons, none of end in me actually sleeping with you, so I’m glad we finally settled this’. That sounds even worse than not knowing.” 

“You moron,” Oikawa says, shaking his head. “I honestly can’t believe you two.” He tugs his phone out of his pocket, tapping the screen a few times. “Damn, I have no signal; can I borrow your phone?"

“Sure,” Daishou says, sliding his phone over. “Who do you need to call?"

“Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa says, pressing on Kuroo’s name and dialling. 

“N-no!” Daishou says, leaping across the table to reach for it. Oikawa moves it out of his reach, putting it on loud speaker.

_“Daishou?”_ Kuroo’s voice travels through the phone, and Daishou freezes up. Oikawa lowers the phone down back in front of him, still holding it. 

“U-uh,” Daishou stammers, “Wrong number?"

_“Dude, you have my number. You call it every weekend after getting pissed out of your head. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had it memorised by now."_

“Oikawa will you stop-"

_“Oikawa’s there?”_

“Hi Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa greets him softly.

Kuroo pauses.  _“Ah, I see.”_ He sighs.  _“I appreciate what you’re trying to do Oikawa, but if he actually gave a damn he’d call himself. See you.”_ Kuroo hangs up, and Daishou shoves his head into the table. 

“Look what you did,” Daishou grumbles.

“Me?” Oikawa says, mock offended. “You realise you could have skipped this whole thing calling him yourself?"

“But-"

“No more buts. Call him. Everyone is bored of your drama already,” Oikawa mutters, sipping his coffee.

“Not everyone can fuck their way out of problems,” Daishou hisses.

“But you _can!_ Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to do with Kuroo this whole time? Fuck him?” 

Daishou shuffles uncomfortably in his seat. “No. Yes. I don’t know!"

“Well, if someone came onto me as much as you do to him, I’d stop coming to pick them up. Just saying.” Oikawa’s phone makes a sound and he ignores Daishou’s spluttering in favour of reading the text. He grins. “Boku-chan just sent me, 'Ready for round five?’ with a winky face. I gotta go,” Oikawa says, finishing his drink and standing up.

“But-"

“Suguru-chan,” Oikawa turns to him, hands on his hips with a determined expression. “I’m going go to get laid now. You cannot stop me from doing so. In fact, you should focus on getting laid yourself, and pick up _your damn phone._ See you later!” Oikawa ends cheerily, before abandoning his friend. 

Daishou stays where he is, head in his hands. His head still hurts from last night, at least thankful for Oikawa’s exit so his headache didn’t get any worse. Memories of last night come back to him in flashes, snippets of conversations. He remembers leaning into Kuroo as they watched the horror movie, like when they were younger. He remembers the thoughts he kept having, unable to keep his eyes from Kuroo for too long, but looking away right when he thought Kuroo was about to notice. He remembers Kuroo putting his arm around the back of the sofa and Daishou downright _craving_ to move in under it. His head feels so jumbled with his emotions from last night, all up until they had left.

 

_“Will you slow down?” Kuroo calls to him as he walks at a leisurely pace after Daishou. Daishou stomps, angry without knowing why, away from Kuroo, giving little regard for where he was headed._

_“Go away,” Daishou spits, turning in a new direction. Turns out he had managed to do a 180 because somehow he was walking back to Kuroo. Kuroo catches his arm when he realises, about to turn again, but the other man pulls him to a stop._

_“Why are you so angry?” Kuroo frowns. “I should be the angry one, yet here I am, calm as a fucking clam."_

_“I don’t know!” Daishou yells, pulling his arm out of Kuroo’s grip. He doesn’t walk away this time, instead trying to work out through the drunken haze just why he was pissed._ Kuroo, _he thinks._ It has to be something to do with him, who else makes me feel this way?  _“You,” Daishou snarls. “You’re why I’m angry!"_

_“Why?” Kuroo asks. He’s definitely not sober, Daishou can see that by the way Kuroo sways slightly. His eyes watch Daishou calmly, his expression apathetic._

_“Because,” Daishou responds, before tugging on his hair in frustration. “You’re such an idiot!”_

_“Me?” Kuroo asks, pointing to himself. “Nope, no idiots where I’m standing.”_

_“Fuck you,” Daishou snarls. “You think you’re so funny. You have no idea what’s going on in my head!”_

_“Then tell me,” Kuroo requests. “Either now, or, preferably sober, through the means of a telephone. You know, like you promised.” Kuroo’s tone turns bitter near the end, his eye twitching just slightly._

_“Maybe I was scared of calling,” Daishou tells him, stepping closer to the other man._

_“What is there to be scared of? You’ve said weirder things drunk,” Kuroo says. “You didn’t even text. You didn’t do anything. You just let me sit all day waiting for a call that I should have known was never going to come,” Kuroo says, laughing bitterly._

_“I have a life outside of you Kuroo!” Daishou yells. “I had things to do other than sit around trying to figure out my feelings, okay?!”_

_“You piece of shit,” Kuroo says through gritted teeth. “I only asked for one fucking phone call. Just one thing, where all you had to say was ‘so last night?’ before I told you everything._ Everything. _And you couldn’t even manage that, in your_ busy, busy _schedule.” Kuroo spits on the ground before turning away. “Get home yourself, since obviously I’m just getting in the way."_

_“Fine!” Daishou yells as he watches him walk off. “I can get home just fine, don’t you worry about- me…” Daishou looks around, unsettled. He doesn’t recognise this place, he has no idea where he is. Fear starts to settle in, and he goes to call for Kuroo, but he’s nowhere in sight. He starts to panic, looking every way, before eventually dropping to sit on the middle of the road, unsure of what to do. Anxiety is settling in and he can feel tears prickling his eyes. “Kuroo,” he says. It’s not loud enough for the other man to hear, however far away he is, but Daishou doesn’t care. He’s messed it all up again. “Why does he even put up with me,” Daishou whispers to himself. Tears fall and he hastily wipes them away. “Maybe it’s for the best that he left me, I mean, he shouldn’t have to deal with me-"_

_H_ _e hears the sound of footsteps approaching, pausing in his mutterings. He looks up to see a familiar figure. He’s not angry anymore, but the only other emotion Daishou can find on his face is sadness. “Come on,” Kuroo says, softly. When Daishou doesn’t move, he steps closer, holding out his hands. Daishou takes them, getting to his feet. He keeps a firm hold of one as they walk home in silence._

 

  
_“_ And after all that he still came and took me home,” Daishou mutters. “Fuck. Nothing has changed."

He leaves his milkshake unfinished, grabs his jacket and leaves. He makes his way over to the park, sitting under the shade of a large tree. He tugs his phone from his pocket, dialling Kuroo’s number without a second thought. After four rings, he picks up.

_“Hel-"_

“I’m sorry,” Daishou starts.

_“Well, that’s something I never expected to hear."_

“Can we… talk? Or did I miss my opportunity?” 

Kuroo is silent for a few seconds.  _“I suppose I can spare some time just for you."_

Daishou ignores the way his heart feels strange. “Meet me in the park near your house?” 

_“Depends. Are you gonna show up?"_

“Yes."

_“Then I’ll be there.”_ The phone call cuts off and Daishou lets out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding in. He tries to still his racing heart as he walks, but all he can think about is Kuroo, what he’ll say, what his reaction will be, what if he hates him-

He finally gets the park and searches the grass for any sign of Kuroo’s dark bedhead. His heart stutters when he can’t find it, his fingers shaking as he reaches for his phone-

A hand clamps down on his shoulder and Daishou jumps. “Hey,” Kuroo says.

Daishou gulps. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk where the fuck im goin w this xoxox


	4. twenty million degrees, burn a man to his knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some smutty bokuoi for u all ~~~~~~~ next chapter is coming soon!

 “Fuck me,” Oikawa pants, lying down on Bokuto’s bed. 

“Again already?” Bokuto teases, and Oikawa shushes him. Bokuto rolls off of him and Oikawa cuddles into his side, sighing happily. “Fuck, you’re so cute,” Bokuto murmurs.

“I know right,” Oikawa answers, making Bokuto laugh. He feels fingers on his chin and opens his eyes, looking up at Bokuto. Bokuto leans down to kiss him and he’s happy to meet him halfway. He feels happy and content and warm in Bokuto’s strong arms and he most definitely doesn’t want to leave. He wonders if he should say something, ask Bokuto if he wants anything more than sex. Oikawa can’t say he wouldn’t be up for dating Bokuto. He’d had a crush on him for weeks, and not just because of how attractive he was. He liked the thought of going out on dates with him, sleeping over, doing the most gooey coupley shit they could. “Hey Boku-chan,” Oikawa says quietly as they break away. 

“Whats up?” he replies with a wide smile.

“I…” Oikawa watches the way Bokuto’s eyes trace his face, particularly going back to his lips a lot. “Never mind,” Oikawa says, leaning forward for another kiss. Bokuto hums happily, kissing back firmer. The thoughts still nag at Oikawa however, and he breaks away for another attempt. “Do you… Um,” he starts, feeling his cheeks getting warmer.

Bokuto stares at him blankly. “Normally this is the part where you say something,” he says, jokingly, but at the nervous look in Oikawa’s eyes, he backs up a bit. “What is it?"

Oikawa gives a nervous laugh. “It’s nothing, I should just-"

Bokuto touches his hand. “Tell me, come on. Akaashi tells me I’m super oblivious, so you have to tell me directly or I’m not gonna get it."

“Do you want to date me?” Oikawa finally forces out. At the surprised look on Bokuto’s face, Oikawa feels his stomach churn. “I mean - I’m not saying you have to - I’m happy just sleeping together, but I- I-"

Bokuto’s face breaks into a wide grin. “Awww, Tooru, you gotta crush on me?” Oikawa hates the patronising sting to it, looking away embarrassedly. “Shit, no - I’m joking, I’m joking. ‘Course I wanna date you."

“You do?” Oikawa asks, looking up at him surprised. 

“Well yeah,” Bokuto says. “Have you _seen_ you?"

“True,” Oikawa hums happily, before leaning up to kiss him. The kiss is soft and slow at first, before Bokuto nips at his lip playfully. Oikawa feels the other man grin and breaks the kiss to straddle him before kissing him back even more forcefully. “You want me to suck you off, Boku-chan?” Oikawa whispers as they break away for air. Bokuto shudders underneath him. “Put this mouth of mine to good use?"

“I have another idea,” Bokuto says, eyes glinting mischievously. 

“Oh?"

“Sit on my face, Tooru,” Bokuto breathes, leaning down to bite Oikawa’s neck. Oikawa gasps, at both the sensation and the idea, feeling Bokuto’s hands as they trail up his chest to his nipples. “Let me watch you break on top of me."

“Fuck,” Oikawa hisses when Bokuto bites down harder. “Okay,” he whispers. Bokuto kisses up his jaw, pressing one last kiss to his lips before he slides down, moving the pillows out of the way.

Oikawa gulps before he slowly moves forward until his knees are resting on either side of Bokuto’s head. Bokuto grins up at him and Oikawa smiles back, nervousness dissipating. He lowers down until his cock meets Bokuto’s mouth, moaning at the wet heat. It’s a slightly different feeling at this angle and Oikawa loves it, can feel himself unravelling already; he’s moving without even realising it, eyes squeezing shut without his permission as he gently fucks into Bokuto’s mouth.

Bokuto’s hands trail up his backside, sliding a finger inside and Oikawa shudders. He speeds up, the feeling of Bokuto’s fingers and mouth at the same time feeling too good; he looks down at Bokuto, eyes finally open, his eyes so intensely focused on him that Oikawa bites his lip so hard it begins to bleed.

“Fuck, Bokuto-“ he says, pushing down even further into his mouth. “I can’t hold back, shit, you feel so good-“ Bokuto adds another finger, speeding up his pace and Oikawa cries out, desperately moving against them. He can already feel himself getting close, the sensations overwhelming him. The final icing on the cake is when Bokuto reaches up with his spare hand and rolls his nipple between his fingers; Oikawa arches his back, pushing as much of himself as he can into Bokuto’s mouth while Bokuto works his fingers inside him furiously.

Oikawa cums down the back of Bokuto’s throat, sobbing out his name, before he finally pulls out, Bokuto’s hands slipping away as he moves back.

“Holy shit,” Oikawa breathes, looking down at Bokuto.

“Holy shit is right,” Bokuto responds, coughing slightly. “We’re definitely doing that again."

“Sorry I was so-"

“Don’t apologise, I liked it.” Bokuto says, winking from underneath him. 

“You should fuck me,” Oikawa says, suddenly. He moves back, stroking Bokuto’s very obvious erection. 

“Damn,” Bokuto whines. “And people say - ah - I’m obsessed with sex."

“I’m not obsessed with sex, just sex with you,” Oikawa answers, pleased when he notices the blush appear on Bokuto’s cheeks.

“Sex with me is pretty gre-ahhh, fuck Tooru,” Bokuto says, watching as Oikawa lowers himself onto Bokuto’s cock with ease. “You’re not gonna be able to walk after this,” Bokuto growls, thrusting his hips up.

“That’s what I’m hoping for,” Oikawa says with a moan, rolling his hips down. 

Bokuto grabs Oikawa suddenly, rolling them over so he’s on top. Oikawa looks up at him in surprise. “Tooru, can I -“ Bokuto says, before looking slightly shy. 

“Yes?"

“Can I choke you?"

Oikawa feels his cock pulse and gives a loud yes as Bokuto fucks him. “Fuck yes, choke me, please Boku-“ Bokuto wraps his hand around Oikawa’s neck pressing harshly, Oikawa crying out. Bokuto fucks into him roughly and with speed while Oikawa focuses on trying to breathe.

He can feel himself getting light-headed, but he doesn’t make any effort to stop the other man - everything feels even better like this, Oikawa ignoring the black spots on his vision.

Bokuto gives a few more powerful thrusts into him before Oikawa finally comes - he screams, Bokuto’s hand coming away from his throat, and Oikawa pants heavily and tries to remember his own name. Bokuto orgasms a few thrusts after, finishing inside him before pulling out and laying down beside him, both panting heavily.

“Holy shit,” Oikawa croaks out.

“You looked so fucking hot,” Bokuto pants, “I couldn’t help myself."

“You should choke me every time,” Oikawa tells him seriously. 

“You want me to?"

“Most definitely,” Oikawa says, before curling into Bokuto’s side once more. “I think I need a nap after all that exercise."

“You literally read my mind,” Bokuto agrees, pressing a kiss to the top of his head before curling an arm around him. Oikawa sighs happily and lets his eyes fall closed.


	5. when i'm laughing i'm satisfied, when i'm dying i'm still alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its the FINAL CHAPTER 
> 
>  
> 
> kuroo and daishou talk.
> 
> mcdate occurs.

 

“You gonna talk or what?” Kuroo asks as they sit side by side on a pair of swings. Kuroo can see the disapproving looks from parents across the park, obviously unhappily with them taking up space on ‘childrens’ equipment, but there’s no sign that says a pair of teenagers _can’t_ sit on them, so Kuroo sees no reason to budge. Besides, being able to swing helps ease his nerves from what Daishou’s about to bring up. 

“Okay,” Daishou says, tongue flicking out to wet his lips. Kuroo drags his attention away from it. “I… I don’t know where to start-"

“Start with, ‘here’s the reason I didn’t call you after I said I would,’” Kuroo deadpans.

Daishou sighs. “I was scared to hear your answer. I still am,” Daishou admits, glancing over at him. 

“You wanna hear it?"

Daishou hesitates. “I suppose I have to."

“Then ask me."

“What?"

“Ask me why."

“You _know_ what the question is-"

“Just do it, Suguru."

“Alright, alright!” Daishou huffs, folding his arms. He looks away from the other man. “Why… haven’t we slept together?” 

He feels a hand touch his and looks back, surprised to find Kuroo right beside him, and then suddenly in his personal space, closing the gap between them with a kiss. Daishou’s eyes flutter shut and he moves forward, but before he can even properly kiss back Kuroo is already retreating. Daishou looks up at him confused to find Kuroo staring down at him with a grin on his face. 

“Because you haven’t bought me dinner first,” Kuroo says, the line sounding incredibly rehearsed. 

“What…?” Daishou manages to squeak out.

Kuroo gives a low chuckle and holds out his hand. Daishou stares at it before eventually taking it, letting the other drag him up. He doesn’t let go and Daishou makes no efforts to remove it, so they walk hand in hand around the large park, the warmth of the sun clinging to areas of bare skin. “You’re not just some randomer, Sugu,” Kuroo starts. “I don’t want meaningless sex. I want _real_ sex."

“So you want to wait until you’ve… found someone?” Daishou asks, trying to put the pieces together.

Kuroo rolls his eyes. “God, you’re a moron. I really wonder why I have a crush on you some days."

“Wait, me?!” Daishou exclaims, pulling them to a stop. “You… you-"

“You’re such an idiot."

“Stop calling me mean things,” Daishou says, blinking a few times. “I’m trying to process."

“Alright,” Kuroo waits. He stands there beside him, playing with his fingers while Daishou thinks. Eventually, Kuroo pulls them down on the floor, one hand curling around a few pieces of grass while he leans against the other. 

“So you like me,” Daishou slowly acknowledges. Kuroo nods. “You aren’t just winding me up?"

“No,” Kuroo says, holding his hand a little tighter. “I’ve… Liked you for a while now."

“How long?"

Kuroo gives an embarrassed laugh. “Maybe a year-ish?” 

“A year?!” Daishou splutters. “Why didn’t you say anything?"

Kuroo shrugs. “Figured you weren’t interested. You know, by the way that you go around sleeping with anything that moves."

Daishou frowns. “I do _not._ "

“You kinda do, Sugu.” Kuroo sighs, looking down at the picked grass at his feet. “I almost gave in sometimes you know. To you asking. If I was as drunk as you, I really considered it. I wondered what it would be like, if things would change between us.” 

“So why didn’t you?"

“I don’t want to be another random shag, Suguru,” Kuroo says, slightly harsh, before taking a deep breath. “I had to watch you sleep with dozens of people, knowing that I could end up on the end of that long list as just another nobody. Like, at least this way you stayed interested in me,” Kuroo smiles sadly.

Daishou stares at him for a minute before putting his head in his hands. “You’re such a fucking _dumbass._ ” 

“Huh?"

“You think I have some sort of agenda to fuck everyone in the entire world? Catelog them? Tick them off the list so I don’t have to worry about them later?” Daishou looks up at him, silently fuming. “You think that fucking _little_ of me?"

Kuroo’s eyes go wide. “No, I - I -"

“You think I kept asking you and asking you for some silly little game. ‘Daishou’s drunk again, guess we have to play another round of will you sleep with him or not!’ That’s real fucking nice, Kuroo. Thanks a bunch.” Daishou gets to his feet, dropping Kuroo’s hand. 

“Wait, Suguru -"

“For the record, I wanted to sleep with you because I like you. I figured you’d never like me back and that would be the only way I’d ever have any sort of something with you.” Daishou starts to walk and Kuroo scrambles to his feet to catch up with him. 

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo says, stepping in front of him. Daishou walks around him, but Kuroo continues, even walking backwards so he can face him. “I didn’t - I didn’t mean it that way, okay? I promise I didn’t. I…” Kuroo stops, staring at his feet. Daishou stops in front of him, a small gap between them. He can see the apology written all over the other’s face. He sighs. He knows he’s being ridiculous, fighting with him now after they seemed to finally be getting somewhere. If he walks off now, there’s no guarantee anything will happen at all. “I really like you,” Kuroo starts again, making Daishou look up at him. “A lot. I act like it’s an inconvenience for me to come pick you up when you’re drunk but it really isn’t - I’m just happy to know you’re safe. I love listening to you bitch about your class mates, I love the face you make just before you fall asleep. You’re too pretty for your own good. Every time I’m near you I can’t help but think about kissing you and it drives me insane -"

“Oh my god, stop. You’re so embarrassing,” Daishou says, cheeks burning. He leans up, meeting Kuroo’s inviting lips. When they pull away, Kuroo’s smile makes Daishou’s heart stutter.

“Can’t stop, won’t stop,” Kuroo says, before going back to his list. “I love the way you care about your family. I love how loyal you are to anyone who you deem worthy of it. I love how you style your hair. I love how you look with makeup o-"

“Shut your mouth!” Daishou says, putting a hand over it. “You promised not to speak of that ever again!"

Kuroo licks his hand and Daishou pulls it away, disgusted. “You looked hot though. Even back then, I thought you were super fucking hot. Poor mini me, having a gay crisis so early on because of you, no less."

“If you don’t stop, I _will_ tie you up."

“Oooh,” Kuroo hums. “Then I’m definitely not stopping."

“Fucksake, you kinky motherfucker.” Daishou groans.

“Oh god no, I don’t do that."

“Shut up, oh my god. Shut up."

“Make me,” Kuroo says with a sly smile.

Daishou smirks, before kicking Kuroo’s legs out from under him. He yells, falling to the ground and Daishou kneels beside him laughing. “Still feel like being a little bitch?” He asks, innocently with a flutter of his eyelashes.

Kuroo groans at he sits up, before pouting. “Your aggression really turns me on."

“That’s it, I’m kinkshaming.” Daishou says, getting up and walking away. “And you call _me_ a slut. Jesus, the things that come out of your mouth. Do you even hear them?"

“Ooh yeah, talk dirty to me baby,” Kuroo purrs with a wink, already on his feet and at Daishou’s side. Daishou feels his face getting hotter. “Oh shit, did that actually work?"

“I’m going to murder you."

“Keep going!"

“Fuck off! You’re such a pervert - there are _children_ nearby -"

“Wow, way to kill my boner, Sugu.” Kuroo sighs, sliding his hand into the others. “Guess you’ll just have to come back to my house."

“What for?” Daishou asks, smirking.

“For dinner, obviously. My mum misses you."

“And then sex, right?"

“Oh yeah, definitely."

“Glad we finally got _that_ out of the way."

 

 

_Epilogue_

 

“My broseph, his broski and my bromeo, reunited for the date of all dates,” Bokuto toasts as they sit down together.

Kuroo snorts. “Dude, we’re in McDonalds. It’s _hardly_ a date."

“How _dare_ you, Kuroo-chan,” Oikawa says, crossing his arms defensively. “Do you _know_ how much effort went into booking this table? Aboslutely _nothing._  Because that’s what you’re worth."

“He’s got you there,” Daishou adds.

“We didn’t even organise this, we just figured we’d go eat somewhere. You can’t call it a date by any means."

“I find you’ll find this is a perfectly acceptable double-date, Tetsurou. A McDate, if you will."

“Then I want the McBill and to McLeave,” Kuroo rolls his eyes. 

“Broseph,” Bokuto pouts. “Don’t you love us? Aren’t you happy for us? Don’t you want to celebrate with a fine feast of the most luxurious food this world has to offer?"

“Again, we’re in McDonalds. They reheat the same food all day."

“You come into my home, you insult _my_ food-"

“You don’t live here, Oikawa. Although you may as well do."

“Did you just call me fat? Sugu-chan, control your boyfriend."

“I tried that, he made it into a sex thing."

“Ugh, really Kuroo-chan? Turn your kink switch off at the dinner table please."

“There are some things you just can’t turn off, my fine men. Boku-boi, back me up."

“Hollaaaa,” He cheers, attracting the attention of other nearby customers. “Can we go order now? If I can’t get food, I move on to the next best thing.” He glances at Oikawa.

“We’ve talked about this, Kou-chan. I’m not fucking you in McDonalds. It’s unsanitary."

“You called it your home a second ago,” Kuroo points out.

“It’s a dirty, dirty home."

“I need 20 chicken nuggets immediately or I’ll faint,” Bokuto tells them, climbing over Oikawa and dashing to the tills. 

“Hey!” Oikawa yells, “Get me a 20 pack too!” Bokuto gives him a thumbs up, and Oikawa sighs happily. “How did I end up with such a perfect boyfriend. He’s hot, _and_ loves McDonalds as much as I do. He just gets me, you know?"

“You two are some of the most ridiculous people I’ve ever met.” Kuroo says, shaking his head. “Although, I’m genuinely surprised you turned down his request of fucking him in McDonalds."

“To be honest, we already did,” Oikawa admits. “Which is why I _definitely_ do not want to do it again."

“Ahhh, now it makes sense."

“Tetsu, will you get off that ridiculously small ass of yours and get us some food already?"

“Ouch, slamming down on my insecurities like that. Maybe I won’t buy you anything."

“Only because you want twice the portions. Maybe some of that fat will end up in your ass."

“Damn, you really want food, don’t you?” Kuroo says, frowning. “No need to be so rude."

“Sorry babe,” Daishou says, kissing him deeply. The kiss continues a while longer, much to Oikawa’s loud groans of disgust. As they pull back, Daishou looks up sweetly into Kuroo’s eyes. “Now get me my fucking chicken burger.” 

As Kuroo dashes off to order the food, Bokuto waits with him, chattering away cheerfully. Oikawa and Daishou watch them, smiles on their faces. 

“I’m happy you two are finally together,” Oikawa sighs, relieved.

“Me too,” Daishou smiles. “You and Bokuto make quite the pair as well."

“Don’t we just,” Oikawa grins. “He’s incredible, I never thought I’d -“ They both look over at the sounds of squawking, seeing Kuroo bent over laughing while Bokuto tries to get the small tub of ketchup off of his face. “I… I have no words."

“That smell is gonna stick with him,” Daishou says, wrinkling his nose.

“He’s ridiculous. I love him,” Oikawa smiles, eyes soft.

“Holy shit, really?"

“Hmm?"

“You said you _loved_  him."

Oikawa’s face turns as red as the ketchup on Bokuto’s face. “I - what?! No I - I didn’t -"

“Yes you did. You literally just said that."

“Shut up, Sugu-chan,” Oikawa grumbles, looking away. “Don’t say anything, okay?"

The other two boys come bounding back with trays full of food, Bokuto sliding in beside Oikawa and planting a wet kiss to his cheek. “McDonalds for my man,” he grins happily, already tucking into his food without noticing the bright blush on Oikawa’s cheeks. 

“Thanks babe,” Oikawa says, biting into a nugget. “Maybe I will blow you in the toilets after all."

Bokuto chokes on his food. “Really?!"

“No,” Oikawa laughs. “I just wanted to see how you’d react."

“You can’t get my hopes up like that!” Bokuto whines, before stealing one of Oikawa’s nuggets. “As punishment."

“Give me my nugget back or you’ll regret it."

“You want it back? Bleeeeh.” 

“Close your mouth, you pig!” 

“You said you wanted it back. Want me to feed it to you like a bird?"

“I definitely do _not_ want that."

“Ah, true love,” Kuroo says, watching them. They turn to look at him, Oikawa turning red again. Bokuto grins. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says, before looking back at Oikawa. “I love you, even though you won’t let me feed you like a baby bird."

“I… I…” Oikawa starts, before putting his head in his hands. “I can’t believe you just ruined our first ‘I love you’ moment by ending it with that."

“Shall I do over?"

“No,” Oikawa says, pulling his face back. He smiles. “I love you too, even if you are a ketchup-stained bird-brain."

“Aw babe,” Bokuto coos, before leaning in for a kiss. Oikawa kisses him back happily, before violently jolting away. 

“Bokuto Koutarou, you’re disgusting!” he yells, spitting into a napkin while Bokuto laughs. 

“Yeah, and you love me for it.” 

“You think we’ll ever be like that?” Kuroo says fondly to Daishou while they argue.

“Hopefully not, they’re quite sickening,” Daishou responds, eating his food.

“Sickeningly in love, I mean."

Daishou hums thoughtfully. “I can see it heading in that direction. As long as you don’t attempt to feed me like a bird."

“I promise,” Kuroo says seriously. “I’ll feed you like a cat, sucking from my n-"

“Stop, holy shit, stop."

“You love it."

Daishou rolls his eyes, before kissing Kuroo’s cheek. “Yeah, I guess I do.” They hold hands under the table while they eat, despite how awkward it makes it. They’re just happy to finally have each other, and their best friends together at their side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading til the end!!! 
> 
> i love kuroshou and bokuoi w/ all my heart.. .... if u also like these chars, i can tell u that i've been writing a oikawa/daishou fic which i hope to finish and upload soon! other than that i plan on doing a kuroo/daishou/oikawa/bokuto fic when i get some ideas lmao.............. im sorry im obsessed w/ these characters 
> 
> hope u enjoyed!!! 
> 
> feel free to hmu on tumblr to yell headcanons at me: nauticee.tumblr.com or captain-volleyball.tumblr.com  
> or on twitter: @sneezepit
> 
>  
> 
> the 'mcdate' is also a reference to totooru's 'call me maybe' fic which im a little obsessed with lmfao. go check it out if u like matsuhana!


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